For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his very mind will be the greatest enemy.
Shri Krishna, Bhagavad Gita
Have you ever felt that you keep giving others a lot in your relationship with them, but you seldom get much back in return? Or that, you are a people pleaser but because of this you often feel hollow emotionally and internally? We live in a world that demands our constant attention to everything–be it social media, our work or relationships. And this can easily make us feel out of touch with the most important person in the world– which is ourselves.
While it is important to build relationships with others– be it in our professional or personal life– to thrive and stay human, the base of all these connections often begins from the relationship one has with oneself. One may wonder, how? Well, as Buddha said, “What we think, we become” and this stands true in all aspects of our lives, including our interpersonal relationships, even today.
The importance of connecting with oneself
Just like our daily habits make us the person that we are today, connecting with oneself daily can have a profound impact on our emotional, mental and physical well-being. This can impact our worldview and transform our relationships and lives for the better. How? Connecting with one’s inner self is all about being aware of your emotions, feelings, and thoughts. It is also about accepting yourself as you are, including your flaws. When one is truly connected to oneself, it shows in different aspects of their life– be it their sense of self, purpose and identity in life, or the boundaries one sets with oneself and others. All of this helps them lead a balanced and fulfilling life.
How connecting with yourself can transform your life
Have you ever noticed that while you may treat others with utmost love, care and respect, you might not do the same for yourself? But, that’s where most people go wrong in their lives and later feel resentful, especially in their relationships with others. Just like we show our best selves to others and treat them well, we also need to treat ourselves with the same amount of love and respect. Here’s how connecting with your inner self can change your life for the better:
1. Our relationship with ourselves lays the right foundation for all other connections in life
“We accept the love we think we deserve,” Stephen Chbosky writes in his novel ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ and rightly so. In any relationship, the way we treat ourselves sets the tone for how others treat us. When we respect and value ourselves, we are less likely to tolerate unhealthy relationships or treatments by others. A strong connection with oneself makes us feel secure in ourselves and our relationships with others. This helps build self-respect, which in turn helps us set healthy boundaries and communicate our needs to others. And so, not only do we rightly demand our wants and needs in a relationship, but others too look up to us with respect and those who truly matter end up treating us right and staying in our lives in the long run.
2. Connecting with our inner self makes us more emotionally resilient
Life is often unpredictable and is filled with challenges. However, having a strong relationship with ourselves can help us navigate these challenges with ease. A strong connection with ourselves not only makes us more focused on what truly matters in life and helps build our character, but it also helps us process our feelings and emotions, learn from our experiences, and move ahead in life. When we have a strong inner foundation to rely on, we know that no matter what happens we are always there for ourselves. On the contrary, self-abandonment in difficult times and self-doubt can often lead to under-confidence and low self-worth.
3. It gives us clarity and purpose in life
When we are deeply and strongly connected to our inner self, it often helps us understand ourselves better– from what we want to focus on in life to how we would want to be treated by others. This clarity helps us understand our priorities in life, helps in making the right decisions in life, and aligns our actions with our values. On the contrary, a lack of this connection and understanding of self can make us feel overwhelmed and easily influenced by external pressures in life. In a world where we are often struggling to strike a balance in our personal and professional lives, our relationship with ourselves works as an anchor which keeps us afloat when the going gets tough.
4. Connecting with our inner self and being secure can improve our mental health
A strong connection with ourselves also has a huge impact on our mental health as we’ll be less tolerant towards things and people who don’t align with what we are looking for in life. This helps in reducing stress and self-doubt, and in turn, leads to a more mindful life. When we are in tune with ourselves, we are better equipped to understand and address our negative thought patterns. We also have a more positive outlook in life and constantly work on becoming a better version of ourselves.
Tips to have a strong connection with ourselves
Having a strong relationship with ourselves can transform our lives for the better. But, just like any other relationship– this too requires constant work and effort. To help one be more in touch with their inner self, here we list some tips:
1. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is the art of being fully present in the moment– and with ourselves– without any judgment. Practicing meditation, deep breathing exercises or pranayam, or simply being with ourselves and listening to our thoughts and feelings without being judgmental or brushing them aside can help us connect with our inner self. Mindfulness helps us observe and understand our feelings and emotions and take thoughtful actions, instead of avoiding them or being controlled by them.
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2. Journal your thoughts
While writing is a solitary process, it can often help one process their thoughts and feelings. Journaling or writing down your thoughts can help you process your emotions and have better clarity about life.
3. Spending time with yourself
There’s a difference between being alone and lonely. While loneliness is a negative emotion, being alone helps one connect with themselves better. Spending time with oneself– be it by pursuing your hobbies, meditating, or simply walking alone– can help you listen to your inner voice and be more attuned to yourself.
4. Be kind to yourself
Just like you are loving and kind to others, treat yourself similarly. Accept your flaws and remember that it is okay to make mistakes in life. What’s important is how well we deal with the challenges and grow as a person. Self-love and self-compassion help in leading a more fulfilling life.
5. Do what you love, love what you do
Instead of forcing yourself to do tasks or overcommitting to things which you don’t like, listen to your inner voice and focus your energies on things that you truly want to do in life. This will help you be your authentic self, reduce stress, and live a more fulfilling life.
Remember, while people and situations come and go in our lives, the only constant that will always stay with us is ourselves. And so, it is important to be true and committed to ourselves, and love and accept ourselves for who we truly are.
As spiritual guru, Sri Sri Ravishankar once said, “I say, drop all your defences. Anyone can make a mistake — even you. Do not defend your mistakes; just accept them and move on. When you are totally defenceless, that is when you will be completely strong.”