I was brought up in an orphanage without parents. Fortunately, I was good at studies, and I managed to score decent marks, which helped me secure scholarships to good institutions. After completing my 12th standard, I qualified for NEET and gained admission to a medical college in Delhi. It was there that I met my husband, a fellow doctor in his third year, during my graduation, and we decided to get married.
Varun was a simple and grounded person, with a married sister, an elder brother, and retired parents.He was hardworking, and we got along well. Initially, his family resisted accepting an orphan into their family, but they eventually agreed to the match, and we had a simple wedding. I cannot describe the joy I felt in finally finding a family of my own.
Sadly, that feeling did not last long. I soon found myself in a web of conspiracies. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law were housewives, and the wife of my husband’s elder brother was a teacher at a private school. Instead of happily welcoming a doctor into the family, they developed insecurities and started mocking me and sidelining me. They treated me coldly, and their verbal abuse made my life a living hell.
Thankfully, both Varun and I worked at a hospital far from the family home, so we eventually moved out. However, even after we moved, life was far from peaceful. They continued to criticize me for everything, from my inability to cook well, to my night shifts at the hospital, to not taking care of the parents or following family rituals.
I tried hard to manage everything— from cooking to being the perfect daughter-in-law— but somehow, my efforts were never enough. Whether it was the gifts I bought for them or the things I did, they always found fault in me. I tried hard to please my mother-in-law, but she seemed to be getting more critical by the day.
I was unhappy and I felt this was impacting my relationship with Varun.
I almost felt I had given up when advice from a fellow doctor came as a saviour.
“Why are you trying to please them or become their daughter? And why are you so humble before them? You are behaving like a doormat and they are treating you like one. Just be the kind, good self that you really are.”
“There is no need to be apologetic about not being the best cook or the best daughter-in-law. Instead of sulking when your sister-in-law is being praised, join in with double enthusiasm. She might be a good cook and home maker, you are a great doctor.”
“Not everyone is perfect in everything. Some can cook well, some can paint well, and some can be really successful professionals. You can’t compete for every talent,” said Dr Sumi, my guide and mentor.
It was almost like an eye opener for me. I asked myself, why was I trying to become a daughter? Even being a good daughter-in-law is not a bad bargain! I understood that half of my issues were because of the love and praise that I was craving for. From this moment onwards, I stopped expecting and became a giver in all the relationships. And trust me, within 6-months there was a change in everyone’s attitude.
They started respecting me and my job and no longer spoke about my timings or the lack of it. They stopped expecting me to cook wonderful meals like my mom and sister-in-law and I on the other hand joined everyone and praised them with all my heart for whatever they did.
No, I did not get a mother, father or sisters, but I DID get a family and life is much easier now!
By: Aayushi Verma (name changed on author’s request)
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