No matter how stressful your corporate day job is, or how much your business makes you want to scratch your forehead during dire hours – parenting, many believe, is the trickiest of them all! The job that’s somewhat based on instincts, your intuitions, and gut feelings, and is largely about double, sometimes triple checking every single decision you make about your kid – is bound to take a toll on parents sometimes. However, the key to ace parenting, is to keep calm and carry one while you unlearn and learn!
What is parenting?
Parenting is the process of nurturing, protecting, and guiding a child from infancy to adulthood. It involves supporting a child’s physical, cognitive, social, emotional, and educational development. Parenting can also refer to the care of a child by a caregiver or guardian, not just a biological parent.
What is lighthouse parenting?
Economist and parenting author Emily Oster, on a recent broadcast of ‘CBS Mornings Plus’, described a specific parenting style, called ‘lighthouse parenting’. She said, while urging the parents, “You’re the lighthouse. You’re guiding them, you’re showing them where the rocks are, but you’re giving them some independence. And it’s something between, you’re driving the boat for them, which is too involved, or you’re just letting them crash into the rocks, which is not recommended.”
Psychologist Cara Damiano Goodwin explained to HuffPost, that, a parent who is acting like a lighthouse “points out the dangers in their children’s environments but ultimately lets their child steer their own boat.”
As per Goodwin, examples of this parenting style include “giving your child strategies for remembering their homework, but not bringing it to school for them if they forget,” and “allowing them to figure out a compromise with their sibling on their own, rather than serving as a referee for sibling fights.”
Dr. Ken Ginsburg, the founder and program director of the Center for Parent and Teen Communication and a professor of pediatrics at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, told HuffPost, “The term ‘lighthouse parenting’ is a metaphor to explain what we know works. What young people need, is both to be guided and for us to have appropriate boundaries to keep them safe.” Talking more the “reliable” style of parenting, he added, “We should trust that kids are going to learn to navigate the world on their own, but at the same time, we have to protect them.”
Does lighthouse parenting help raise confident kids?
While all kids need both guidance and autonomy, teens in particular are eager to navigate the world on their own. Lighthouse parenting describes a way for parents to remain an influential presence in teens’ lives without hindering the independence we want them to achieve.
As per Goodwin, “We need to show them that we have confidence and trust in them so that they can develop self-confidence. They also need to be allowed the chance to fail and make mistakes while they are still somewhat supported by their parents. Otherwise, they may fall apart when they fail for the first time as an adult out on their own.”
For example, If your kid doesn’t finish their homework, instead of doing it for them (or hounding them endlessly about it), you, as a parent, might stand back, allowing them to experience the consequences of missing an assignment — which could motivate them to behave differently next time.
As per Ginsburg, teens want to know that they are loved. At the same time, “they don’t want people to demand or to dictate,” he said. “They want guides.”
Key points of lighthouse parenting:
While lighthouse parenting is not a “one size fits all” approach, many children benefit from the parenting style depending on their needs and environment. The key points about the lighthouse parenting are:
Balancing guidance and boundaries: Lighthouse parents provide guidance and set boundaries, while also allowing children to learn from their mistakes and navigate their own experiences.
Encouraging independence: Lighthouse parents trust their children to make good decisions and follow the rules, which encourages independence.
Providing emotional support: Lighthouse parents offer consistent emotional support while encouraging children to face challenges and solve their own problems.
Celebrating successes: Lighthouse parents acknowledge and celebrate their children’s achievements, which can boost their self-esteem and motivation.
Helping children learn from failures: Lighthouse parents help children learn from their mistakes, which can help them develop a growth mindset.
Building a relationship: Lighthouse parenting can help build a relationship between parent and child.
Some benefits of lighthouse parenting include: Healthy boundaries, Developing coping skills, Learning essential life skills like confidence and independence, and Gaining the courage to confront obstacles head-on.
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